Leading Through Emotion: The Executive's Guide to Anger Management

In the intricacies of leadership, emotions are unavoidable. They are an integral part of our decision-making processes, our drive, and the relationships we foster.

But we have been there – those moments where passion and frustration blur and anger creeps in. Trust, earned over the years, is lost in seconds.

So how do we, as leaders, navigate these moments effectively and authentically?

Think about the last time you felt that rising heat of anger. How did it shape your communication? Was your message conveyed as you intended?

It's crucial, especially in leadership roles, to recognise the difference between conveying a message with conviction and one that is lost in the tumult of emotion.

This Blog outlines why, as leaders, we get angry, what challenges this poses and how to leverage anger for good!

So what may lead to an angry outburst?

#1 The Weight of Expectations

Leaders are typically high achievers, decision-makers, visionaries. When the world expects you to have all the answers, the internal pressure can be immense.

Having high expectations is a good thing, you're setting the standards, always aiming to be ahead of the curve.

But, when expectations are not met, frustration or impatience is inevitable. Left ignored, issues accumulate until eventually, the pot boils over, and you lash out.

#2. The Responsibility Conundrum

Leaders aren't just making decisions for themselves; they're steering the fates of entire teams, their families, departments and the business at large.

The realisation that jobs, futures, and dreams hinge on their choices can be daunting. If you deeply care about people, you can end up taking on the emotions of others, and with the pressure of all of this, when things don’t go right, it is unsurprising that you would get angry.

#3 The Quest for Perfect Delegation

Trusting teams to execute a vision is critical, but when misalignment occurs, it feels personal.

The inability to directly manage every detail can be a source of angst. Leaders want to see their vision realised faithfully and efficiently, but if this doesn’t happen you can lose trust with your team and them with you.

#4 The Ethical Tightrope

Striking a balance between profitability and ethics is not always straightforward.

Every decision can have vast implications, and moral dilemmas are frequent guests at the executive table.

There can be intense pressure from above to be commercially successful, with scant recognition of the larger societal implications, especially if they impact things locally.

When deep-seated values and principles are questioned or undermined, it can lead to outbursts of anger - either at the time or more likely, things can be bottled up and are ‘taken out’ on others later.

#5 The Rapid Pace of Change

The landscape is in constant flux. Leaders have to be agile, both in strategy and in mindset, which can be mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Leaders may feel their very existence relies on them staying updated and relevant, and ensuring their organisations remain at the forefront is fundamental.

This can lead to Impatience or annoyance if people around them are not also pushing boundaries and refusing to settle for complacency.

#6 The Search for Authenticity

In an age of scrutiny, maintaining authenticity while navigating public relations and corporate diplomacy is a fine art.

Leaders may find themselves ill-equipped to be properly informed about the today's agenda. Or feel they have somehow been left behind, especially when even broaching some topics can in itself be regarded as inappropriate.

Leaders may consequently trapped between being genuine and being "correct."

It isn’t easy striving to lead with integrity while being true to yourself and your principles, while managing external perceptions.

Is anger holding you back - what are the dangers?

Anger is one of our most primal emotions. In the heart of every executive decision, every brainstorming session, and every feedback loop, anger has the potential to surface, bringing both challenges and opportunities.

#1 Distortion of Perspective

Anger, especially when unchecked, can cloud judgement and has the capacity to cast shadows over objectivity, leading to decisions made in the heat of the moment rather than through calculated evaluation.

Reactive decisions can lead to unintended outcomes, potentially jeopardising projects or relationships that took years to build.

#2 Strained Relationships

A leader's anger can be intimidating. It can create an environment where colleagues or subordinates feel they're walking on eggshells, fearful of triggering an outburst.

This stifles open communication and collaboration, eroding the bedrock of trust essential for cohesive teamwork.

# 3 Barrier to Personal Growth

Leaders who are quick to anger might push away feedback, viewing it as a personal affront or criticism rather than constructive input.

This resistance can prevent leaders from recognising areas of growth, limiting both their personal and professional evolution.

#4 Impact on Well-being

Chronic anger can be corrosive to one's health, both mentally and physically. It can contribute to stress, cardiovascular issues, exhaustion and exacerbate mental health challenges.

This can ultimately affect an executive's capacity to lead effectively, potentially reducing their resilience and energy.

# 5 Stifling Innovation

In an environment where a leader's anger is a frequent visitor, risk-taking and innovative ideas can diminish. Teams might prefer the safety of the status quo over the potential wrath that comes with challenging it.

This can lead to organisational stagnation - as they stop innovating, and miss out on novel solutions or groundbreaking ideas.

#6 Compromised Authentic Leadership

Leaders who grapple with unchecked anger might find it challenging to connect authentically with their teams. They might be perceived as volatile, reducing their ability to inspire and motivate.

Without authentic leadership, organisational culture can wither. Morale, engagement, and trust may decrease, affecting overall productivity and growth.

Anger isn’t all bad

However, anger isn’t all bad. It’s natural to get angry and you get angry for a reason!

When channelled appropriately, it can also be a driving force.

It can highlight injustices, push for change, and act as a catalyst for transformation.

It can motivate people to aspire to greater heights. To believe in better and give them the satisfaction of achieving what they thought was impossible.

Anger can focus the mind of a team towards finding solutions - sometimes it takes someone to become angry to get something to happen.

A recent example was an angry client. They were sick of the bugs in their new IT system. He had been polite for weeks and got nowhere. The bugs remained. But an angry outburst focussed the minds of the tech team to find solutions.

The result? A happy client. And a proud tech team, that collaboratively solved the problem and who now have more self-belief.

The key for leaders lies in recognising the power of anger, understanding its triggers, and harnessing its energy constructively.

Moving Forward: Channelling anger for good

Navigating leadership challenges requires more than just immediate reactions; it demands foresight, resilience, and a commitment to personal growth.

Here's a roadmap to harness anger and channel it productively.

#1. Eat Something!

Ludicrous though this sounds - it so often works.

Anyone who has been around children knows how they can become really difficult and argumentative when they are hungry. Often only the smallest amount of food can turn them back into lovable humans! It was not until I had children of my own that I realised it's the same for adults too.

So, when you feel your ire rising, eat something and then, reconsider your options

#2. Embrace Time Off

Regular breaks aren't mere luxuries; they're vital. Just as overtired kids get overstimulated, adults do too (though we might think we've outgrown it!).

Yet, emotional control has limits. We require sleep, rest, and pauses.

Stepping back from issues gives room for reflection, renewal, and re-emergence with a clearer perspective.

#3. Practise the 5-second rule

When confronted with a triggering situation, take a brief pause, breathe deeply, and count to five before responding.

This will help you curb impulsive reactions and encourage a more composed and thoughtful approach - remember you don’t want to destroy trust from others that you have built up over years.

If you find yourself having to implement the 5-second rule repeatedly, then pause and consider your feelings generally.

Do you feel as if you are regularly close to boiling point? If you are then it is only a matter of time before you boil over.

Consider what may be the cause of this. There may be something else going on in your life at the moment - or maybe some unresolved trauma from the past.

These emotions can catch you off guard, It may be worth seeking some professional guidance to help you get into a more empowering position for the future.

#4 Have those difficult conversations

Initiating tough conversations with colleagues can be challenging for various reasons, including workplace culture, dislike of conflict or fear of repercussions.

Despite the difficulties, such conversations are often crucial. It's worth noting that, from my experience, they're usually less daunting in reality than anticipated. So, gather your courage and engage in those discussions.

You'll likely find they help to resolve issues, promote transparency, and foster better understanding among all parties involved.

#4. Set Expectations

Work with your team to set the expected standards. Keep communication open and timely to prevent misunderstanding. Encourage constructive feedback and find solutions together.

Agree how frequently you will be checking in - and at all costs, avoid micromanaging; them - find something else to do!!

If you can make catch-up sessions collaborative and inviting you will build an environment where approaching you with problems is encouraged, not feared.

The last thing you want is for people to be too scared of you and hide their problems.

Always aim to understand first. Motivate them to suggest solutions. If they're stuck, empower them to work through finding answers.

Be the boss they respect for being firm yet supportive. Grasp their challenges and guide them to solutions.

Make a policy of never reacting badly to news, no matter how negative or unwelcome - or people will not give you the bad news you need to hear.

#5. Stick to your Values

Identify your non-negotiable boundaries (Red Lines).

If faced with a request that goes against your fundamental beliefs or values, even if it's uncomfortable, stand up for yourself.

In my own experience, companies tend to respect and trust people who stick to doing what's right. While it may require significant courage to assert your convictions initially, I've found that in the long run, it has consistently worked out positively.

#6. Lean on Your Network

Engage with peers in similar roles. Their insights and shared experiences can offer fresh perspectives or validate your approaches.

Stressful situations, while challenging, can be pivotal. They don't just test but also spotlight your effective leadership skills. Rising from these instances will enhance your reputation as a resilient and adaptive leader.

A leader people aspire to be like!

#7 Get an External Confidant

Having a safe space to vent is incredibly useful. Somewhere to express feelings without filters. This decompression helps you reset, and be positive and professional again.

It could be a friend or a professional. Ideally, someone who, as Robbie Burns said, helps you see yourself as others do. A mirror holder. Someone to call you out if needed. Critically though, they piece you back together.

A Leadership Reflection

In the world of business, leadership intertwines with emotion. As leaders, emotions aren't distractions; they're signals, much like feedback points to areas of growth or refinement.

Every emotion, especially intense ones like anger, can be a tool if understood and channelled effectively.

The strategies we've discussed are more than just techniques; they're essential components of modern leadership, guiding us to lead with both intellect and emotional clarity.

As you journey forward, remember: that true leadership is marked not by the absence of challenges but by the way we respond. Embrace emotions, adapt with strategic insight, and lead with unwavering purpose. Your legacy is crafted in these moments.