How to Have Difficult, Awkward, and Uncomfortable Conversations as a Leader?

Leadership is not just about providing direction and making decisions; it's about effective communication. As a leader, you'll undoubtedly encounter situations that require you to have difficult, awkward, and uncomfortable conversations with your team members. While these conversations may seem daunting, they are essential for fostering growth, resolving issues, and maintaining a healthy work environment.

The good news is that actually engaging in these conversations is nowhere near as challenging as the narratives we conjure up in our heads and the anxiety we experience just thinking about them!

Handled well, difficult conversations can evolve into routine feedback contributing to a culture of continuous improvement and growth. 

In this blog post, we'll explore the costs of avoiding such conversations, the benefits of embracing them, and provide you with proven tools to handle them effectively.

The Cost of Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Avoiding difficult conversations as a leader can come at a high price for you, your team and the person involved.

The impact on other members of your staff can be significant. Studies have shown that unresolved conflicts and unaddressed issues can lead to decreased morale, reduced productivity, and a decline in team cohesion. When leaders fail to address problems head-on, they inadvertently create an atmosphere of uncertainty, unfairness and discomfort, which affects everyone in the workplace.

Imagine a scenario where a team member's performance is consistently below par. As a leader, if you avoid addressing this issue, not only does it negatively impact the underperforming employee, but it also affects the motivation and morale of the entire team. Others may begin to resent or feel disengaged.

Moreover, there is a personal cost associated with the internal dialogue playing out in your mind as you grapple with how to approach the individual and even conjure ways to evade them to postpone the conversation! You may worry about how they may react. What will they say to others about you? You may stay awake at night, going over and over the different approaches you could take, or feel irritated that they don't seem to be mind readers and know what you want to say and act on it!

From the employees' perspective, they are being denied the information they need to make informed decisions. It could be valuable feedback crucial for their improvement and job performance, fostering a sense of self-improvement and confidence.

If the news is unfavorable such as potential layoffs, then better they know so they can take control of their lives.

Recognising that if there is an issue on one side it is to be mirrored on the other, then what you have to communicate may not be as surprising as you may anticipate.

The Benefits of Embracing Difficult Conversations

On the flip side, embracing difficult conversations can lead to a host of benefits for both you as a leader and your team. When you approach these conversations with empathy and assertiveness, you create an environment of trust and openness. Team members are more likely to feel heard and valued, which can lead to improved engagement and job satisfaction.

Additionally, addressing issues promptly and professionally can prevent minor problems from escalating into major conflicts. By nipping problems in the bud, you can maintain a more harmonious work environment and reduce stress for both yourself and your team.

Recently, I found myself in a tightly confined space aboard a racing yacht with 22 people for a month. Given our continuous sailing, we had two-shift patterns.

One team being asleep and the other team working. In such close quarters, there is ample opportunity for people to become irritated and for resentment to gnaw into the team. Yet we wanted to be a cohesive and winning team.

So during each shift handover, we took time to air any grievances openly.

These were often minor issues which could be nipped in the bud, but if left unaddressed could fester and harm team dynamics. So for instance, not putting things away became a point for discussion as it was crucial items could be located under pressure. If anyone forgot, got waylaid, or could not be bothered, they were immediately reminded the very next watch. Or, although verifying if someone was on the next watch before waking them was a simple task, it was often overlooked, resulting in unnecessary awakenings.

This annoyed those impacted team members. However instead of harbouring resentment the matter was highlighted and resolved. Consequently, we transitioned from potential complaints and irritation to a seamlessly resolved non-issue. Together we grew in effectiveness and our respect for each other improved. 

Difficult conversations are opportunities for personal and professional development. By facing these challenges head-on, you can learn and grow as a leader - flipping the idea that the conversation is difficult and rather thinking it's helpful feedback and necessary for growth.

Proven Tools for Effective Communication:

Now, let's dive into some practical tools and strategies you can use to navigate difficult conversations with confidence.

1. Prepare your heart - firstly approach the person with genuine respect, grace and integrity, If your heart is in the right place then the rest will follow. 

2. Actively listen - listen without interrupting. Seek first to understand - give people an opportunity to explain their position

3. Rapport - adopt a stance of being in rapport with the person. Matching energy levels and body language, leading where appropriate, but making sure you are being authentic and genuine and not looking clumsy.

4. Empathy - put yourself in the other person's shoes. Try to understand their point of view and emotions

5. Provide positive feedback and areas for growth - WWW and EFI - ie ‘what went well’, ‘even better if.’ This is used extensively in schools, so anyone with children will be familiar with this approach. Positive affirmation is one of the most effective tools available to you.

6. Assertive communication - be clear, direct, and respectful in your communication. Address the issue without being aggressive or passive-aggressive.

7. Seek solutions - focus on finding solutions together rather than dwelling on the problem. Collaborative problem-solving can lead to better outcomes.

Final words

In my coaching practice, I have listened to many clients complain about the performance or behaviour of someone in their team. Causing a lot of frustration and anxiety. Sleepless nights. Plots on how to ‘get rid of them’. Yet a fear of approaching them.

With the support and encouragement provided through coaching, my clients have decided to initiate the conversation with the colleague. I can genuinely attest that in each instance, the individuals found the experience was far less challenging than anticipated. 

This has led to better relationships. Performance has improved. Work is a more enjoyable and more positive place to be. And frankly, in hindsight, they are questioning why they perceived the conversation to be such a formidable task!

In the world of leadership, the ability to have difficult conversations is a skill that can set you apart as a truly effective leader. 

By understanding the costs of avoiding such conversations, recognizing the benefits of embracing them, and using proven communication tools, you can navigate these challenging discussions with grace and confidence.

Remember, every difficult conversation is an opportunity for growth, both for you and your team.

Embrace them, practice them. Make courage, honesty and positive feedback a hallmark of your leadership and you will be on your way to becoming the high-integrity leader that you would want to work for.